Do you and your partner argue about finances?
Then you’re in good company. Money issues are a common source of conflict in most relationships at one time or another. And they are difficult to resolve because arguments about money aren’t necessarily about the money per se. They tend to be full of power and meaning making discussions about money more emotive than the situation seems to warrant. The reasons behind this is that for some of us, money is about love and connection. For others, it’s about power and significance or even personal growth. We fight about money because we don’t feel understood by our partners.
So What Can You Do About It?
The key to resolving financial conflicts is to understand you and your partner’s money values!
If you can identify your money values, you can instantly help your partner understand you better and improve the quality of your relationship. If you take time to understand your partner’s money values, you will be able to turn the destructive fights about money in your marriage into a constructive way to grow closer to one another.
4 Steps to Understanding Your Money Values
Step 1: Understand Your Personal Meaning of Money
Throughout life, we pick up subtle and large meanings of how money should be used. By understanding your hidden meanings to money, you can really help your partner understand why certain things bother you.
Step 2: Understand Your Partner’s Meaning of Money
Step 3: Story Sharing
Sit down with each other and share your stories about why you have particular meanings around money.
Step 4: Create Three Money Values Each
What do you need to feel financially secure in your marriage? Come up with three money values and share them with your partner. The following are clear examples of expressing needs.
- If you take me on a date every two weeks, then I will feel loved.
- If I contribute to the Red Cross, then I will feel helpful to those less fortunate.
- If I invest in a personal trainer, then I will feel sexy and want to be intimate with you.
Use money conflicts in your marriage to invest in each other. Revisit your needs regularly. They are always open to change!
Source – article by Gottman Institute.